How does he do it?

I don't know how he does it. I really don't. He rises effortlessly up as if hinged at the heels. I know it is impossible but I am still envious. He is evil I know. Maybe if I were evil..... no that isn't it. When he wakes up he is ready to go . dressed even.
When I wake up it is a shambling, stumbleing mess. I sometimes can't even feel parts of my body. I stand there listening to the static in my head shouting at my body to move. My brain is a mental aquarium with all sorts of strange creatures the murky water swimming past the glass. This mornings memorable thought? "Is there a connection between Apnea and SIDS".  If i speak words scatter like little startled minnow or playful dolphins. This morning Antihistamine dressed up as Antibiotic and played Wheres Waldo somewhere in my hypocampus. Literally I can stand there willing my body to move and it not choose to listen.  Fingers refuse fine motor skills. My whole body has an ache to it. The kind of "all nighter" ache i use to get in College. Then there is the music. Often there is a song full on playing my ears when I wake. This particular morning......

                                 
                                                                                           Madonna's Don't Tell Me. Yup, all cowboy hats and hips stuck in my ears. I have woken up with far worse.  The most troubling thing on these mornings is the weight in my lungs and soreness in my chest. You know that feeling of water going down wrong and the lungs tighten .... a bit like that combined with muscle fatigue.
So how does he do it? How does Dracula rise pivoting on his heels from HIS grave and I have to scratch and claw my way to the surface like the countless nameless expendable walking dead?